just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
