I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
