got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
