So drunk, too bad you don't want this
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
