i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
