Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Congratulations! We have a period
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