it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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