haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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