Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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