i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
