I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
