If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
