Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
