his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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