also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
