"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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