i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I checked into jail on foursquare
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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