It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
