I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
