i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Randomize
