im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
