Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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