i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
