I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
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