I skipped work to stalk him.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
