ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
oh god the rape fog is back!
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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