All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
