She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
