well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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