Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
