I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
