And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
