i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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