Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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