you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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