I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
i think my cat just said my name.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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