i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
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