dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
How naked do you want me to be?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
