Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
