Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
