it wasn't lemon gatorade
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
