Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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