Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
