and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
