I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
