i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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