Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
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