I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
