i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
