This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Rumble strips road head = magical
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
