census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
try to milk me bitch
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