sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
