I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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