i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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